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Posted on 2006.01.07 at 13:17
i really believe that honesty is the key to a better world.

what reasons are there to lie? are the reasons all, in actuality, entirely self-serving? people will claim that they lie to save someone's feelings from getting hurt. but are they really lying to avoid an uncomfortable situation for themselves? and if we were raised to be truthful, we would know how to handle brutal honesty.

i also believe that honesty is the key to knowledge, and knowledge is the only way to overcome the patriarchy. knowledge is what a governing power tries to prevent the less privileged from acquiring, because knowledge is power! we MUST encourage education, and self-education, because all the patriarchy feeds us are lies, lies, lies.

because i believe these things about honesty, every time i lie i feel that i am supporting the patriarchy. but at the same time, i work in a retail job under two big corporate overlords. there is a certain degree of "polite" lying that is expected of me. when someone asks how i am, i'm not supposed to say, "shitty." when someone makes a stupid joke, i am supposed to laugh "politely." and when someone makes me feel uncomfortable, i can't scream at the top of my lungs, "get the FUCK out of my bubble!"

shouldn't "polite" = "respectful"? well, it doesn't. says merriam-webster, polite is: "showing or characterized by correct social usage" and "marked by an appearance of consideration, tact, deference, or courtesy"
that is exactly my problem... being polite literally means to pretend. well, i call bullshit. i agree there should be social rules for interacting with people in general... but must those rules require dishonesty? i also call bullshit on "The Golden Rule" of "treat others how you wish to be treated." not everyone is the same, and the expectation that others wish to be treated how YOU want to be treated is self-centeredness itself. how about treating people how THEY wish to be treated?

so the problem is, despite my convictions, i was raised and live in a world filled with polite dishonesty. i am scared of the immediate consequences of brutal honesty. in my personal relationships i strive for total honesty, but if i am still spending my days fitting into the patriarchy, have i failed?


ravena at 2006-01-11 10:05 (UTC) (Link)
I am dishonest because of the hurting feelings and uncomfortableness of situations. But I'm a big avoider with all uncomfortable situations. On top of that I don't want people mad at me for any reason.
And I get a fear of if I'm to honest with someone they might get upset enough to stop being my friend. Weird but true, but as we know I have mutiply problems with people leaving me.

And I never saw the "golden rule" as I guide on how to treat everyone. More of a general respect kindness thing. And of course that whole goes around, comes around ties in with the "rule" too. In my mind anyway.
But now I can also see the selfcenterness of it too. Like why should you ONLY treat people nice if thats what you are expecting in return. You should just be nice to be nice and make someone happy.

And do you ever think that trying to be so different from everyone else and different from the typical society can cause more unhappiness in your life? I've seen people that all they strive to do is be the complete opposite that they are still now being themselves for living by how they feel about things. I say just live by what you feel is right in your self and in your life. And if just happens to coincide with society so what. Even though I hate when I find myself agreeing with stuff because I don't want to be outcasted....I need to work on that. :/

(sorry rambings for the 2AM mind high on bleach and cleaning products from scrubbing the bathroom)

Love yah
queerish at 2006-01-11 19:03 (UTC) (Link)
I can understand the golden rule thing as a general "respect" thing, but I see people act as if something shouldn't bother another person just because it doesn't bother them. This comes up a fair amount in race and sexism issues, at least from my experience. The problem is that people generally don't spend enough effort trying to see things from another perspective. Treating someone else how you would like to be treated could be the worst thing to do. The golden rule should be to listen to other people and shut the hell up! Haha.

I strive to observe, learn, and make the best decison possible about everything in my life. It just turns out that most of the things I feel are in contrast with the majority. Sometimes I think about just driving somewhere no one knows me and trying to be Normal... act straight, eat hamburgers, let men tell me what to do, get married, have a baby, and ignore everything that's going on around me. I would kill myself!!! As hard as it can be not to fit in, at least I like myself. :)
ravena at 2006-01-18 00:26 (UTC) (Link)
I wasn't attacking you with the "acting so different you end up not being yourself" I've just seen it with other people a few times and it saddens me, especially when I do it.
But I have never seen you as that type that HAS to be different.

I hate how "normal" is defined now a days with it all being the same. And we can't have anyone different. Like when people get attacked for being vegan. Just because they don't understand it's wrong or something, or it shouldn't happen!!

And is that why you are so against marriage? Because of what happens to the wives? Just wondering.
queerish at 2006-01-20 21:55 (UTC) (Link)
I'm against marriage for quite a few reasons. Politically I am against the current institution due to its extreme heterocentricity and bias toward monogamy. Personally, I find it unnecessary. Marriage doesn't alter my commitment to a person, or lack thereof. I support people who make that choice, of course, but I think that marriage it pushed far too much in our society. I also often see a lot of flaws in how people handle their relationships post-wedding. I'm sure you see it too, knowing a lot more married folk than I - like thinking now that they are married, all the hard work is over, or taking their partner for granted.
People really need relationship education.... only I know if it actually was implimented, it would be some horrible conservative religious sexist crap.
ravena at 2006-01-21 01:43 (UTC) (Link)
the one that really gets to me are the people who feel they HAVE to get married just because they get prego...like that's really going to help the child if you don't even love each other or don't really plan on staying together anyway.

and it is annoying to hear people ask couples when they are going to get married if they have been together for more then a year, like it's expected because its the "next step" in society.

then people wonder why the divorce rate is so high for our society
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